On the correct treatment of marriage and family
According to the data of Sichuan Provincial Department of Civil Affairs, in 2014, a total of 774,200 couples registered for marriage, and 229,600 couples divorced. The number of divorces was six times that of 14 years ago, and two couples "broke up" every minute. From 2000 to 2014, the divorce rate in Chengdu increased from 11.12% to 38.6%. Experts say that five causes of divorce are extramarital affairs. This surprised me. What is wrong with our society?
But if you think about it carefully, this phenomenon has something to do with some current public opinion orientations. When you turn on the TV, there is a mess of love between men and women everywhere. It’s either a mistress getting involved, a man cheating, an affair, a woman falling in love, or a love triangle. Many young people regard marriage as a child’s play. They "flash marriage" today and "flash away" tomorrow, instead of being ugly, they are proud. In recent years, our society has shown moral decay and lacked the bottom line of responsibility, which is reflected in family and marriage.
How should we look at this problem? I think there are several points that must be clarified:
First, men and women must first establish a correct family view when they get married.
The combination of men and women to form a family is not only a matter of getting married and having children, but also a kind of responsibility and responsibility. What is family? Family is the cell of society, which is the basic social organization form based on marriage and linked by blood relationship. Family relationship is an important relationship between people and a basic social ethical relationship. Because a family is the crystallization of affection (affection, love) and blood relationship, and it is a responsibility to the elderly, children and lovers.
Some young people think that marriage or divorce is a personal matter and has nothing to do with others. Of course, from the legal point of view, this also has some truth. Legally speaking, the relationship between husband and wife is really broken, and it is really inseparable. Divorce is also one of the options. However, we must not be too casual about marriage.
In real social life, in people’s traditional ideas, marriage is by no means a private matter. Because it also involves the elderly and children. Have you considered the physical and mental feelings of the elderly when your family disintegrated? Parents bring up their children, educate them, marry and have children for the sake of family and beauty, and enjoy family happiness. Once their children get divorced, what does it feel like for parents? Can they feel better? What impact will it have on children? At present, many "problem of juvenile" and juvenile offenders are mostly born in single-parent families, because once the family breaks up, parents divorce, and children lack fatherly love (maternal love) from childhood, their psychological shadow may accompany them all their lives. If parents divorce and families break up when children understand things, they will have a strong sense of fear, anger and shame; It will even lead to his distorted personality and abnormal psychology, which will seriously affect his emotional, will and moral development. They will be indifferent to people and indifferent to everything; Some may even be hostile or aggressive towards others. For the sake of the elderly, especially for the children, never divorce rashly. Whether men or women, first of all, they should have a strong sense of family responsibility, be responsible and responsible for the whole family and each member, otherwise they are not worthy of being parents and ashamed of their parents and the elderly!
Second, family marriage needs the joint operation of both husband and wife.
The tree of happiness needs to be fertilized and watered by husband and wife to last forever. Family is not a reasonable place. Within the family, don’t fight for your superiority and inferiority. Maintaining family harmony is the first priority. What do you mean by managing marriage? I understand that both husband and wife can’t be willful. What should be carried forward should be carried forward, and what should be restrained should be restrained. For example, if one party does something wrong or says something inappropriate or even wrong, the other party can criticize it, but it must be putting facts, reasoning, moving with emotion and understanding with reason. Never get angry, swear or go to extremes. Men hate women’s nagging most, thinking that they will be finished when they are finished; And women can’t stand men’s mistakes and carry them to the end. Living together, it is impossible for the spoon not to touch the edge of the pot. It is normal for couples to have two mouths sometimes. But we must bear in mind that the contradiction between two people must never touch the red line of family security, and trivial matters such as trivial matters within the family should be settled after quarreling. Between men and women, men should be more demanding of themselves. There is a saying: the most important sign of a man who doesn’t grow up is to compete needlessly with his own people and his loved ones. What is a mature man? Be gentle with your family and your lover. Gentle as a child, like a woman. Externally, to difficulties, without fear, indomitable spirit, unhurried, calm and calm. Love: compromise, compromise. Concession is not retreat, but respect for different views and opinions, which is a virtue and accomplishment. Don’t fight for authority with people you like and love.
Third, mature men (women) must be kind to your marriage partner.
The core of a family is husband and wife. Life is like taking a train, parents and the elderly must get off the train earlier than their children; Children get off the bus late, but they want to get married and live independently; Only your husband (wife) will really accompany you to the end and finish the road of life. When people get old, can children accompany you every day? No way. Only your wife is always by your side. Therefore, you must be kind to your other half, really care about him (her), care for him (her), tolerate him (her), take care of him (her), be responsible for him (her), and never do anything that hurts the other side! This is the most basic condition for a qualified husband and wife.
Fourth, being responsible for the family and maintaining family happiness and harmony is also a kind of filial piety.
As a child, how to be filial? Maintaining family harmony and happiness is also a kind of filial piety.
First, don’t let the elderly down. Old people like their children to be upright, do things seriously, take the right path and be good people. If you want your son to be a success, your family will be happy and your career will be successful, and the old man will be happy if he is satisfied. Some young people, who don’t cherish a good family, have separated their wives and children, which has caused great harm to the elderly. The elderly’s efforts and expectations for their children have all gone down the drain. They are very disappointed and sad. This is the biggest unfilial!
The second is not to make the elderly angry. As an old man, he loves his children the most, saves money all his life, and invests all his savings in his children willingly. Because we old people know that houses and tickets are not brought with us when we are alive, and they will be left to future generations sooner or later. What is the happiness of the elderly? It’s health, it’s serenity, and it’s living happily. When people are old, they are most afraid of getting angry, which can hurt the liver and lead to serious illness. Can some parents not be angry when they see their son’s family disintegrate and their lovely grandson (daughter) lose his warm family? In daily life, old people may think differently from young people, and some things are easy to be serious and find fault. This is a general rule. As children, we should be obedient to the elderly. Listen to what they say first, accept what is right with an open mind, and patiently explain what is wrong. We must never talk back. Some things, even if the elderly do not handle them properly, but the children should not "answer blows with blows", they should find ways to communicate and slowly resolve the contradictions. In my opinion, children should face their elders, put down their dignity, speak well of the elderly, and even coax them to be happy and do what they like. For example, during the Chinese New Year, buy some gifts for the elderly; Go home at ordinary times, three melons and two dates, and bring something; Eat out, buy some delicious food for the elderly, and so on. As an old man, I don’t hesitate to cherish your money. What I cherish is your heart. Usually, you should try your best to spend time with your parents, talk about your family and exchange feelings. You should go home to have dinner with your parents at least once a week. You are too busy to spare time, so you should also make a phone call, say hello and explain. And as children,We should establish an idea: if you have good things, think about your parents first, and spend more time with your parents. Is it difficult to do so?
What I said is actually human nature, and there is no profound truth. However, some young people really don’t understand this. I hope my essay can enlighten and help young people.
(Old work in December 2015)
Yi Dian Hao Hua ma Weng
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